Hanging off the Edge
by The Dark Moor
Summary: This was too much for him to handle this time. There was no-one he could go to. No-one who would come to him. He would only pull them down with him. Pull them down in his own hell.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is an episode tag to 1.17 Loa Aloha. There is a possibility on another chapter from Steve's POV with more of an ending. Or if you are all horrendous whump/tragedy/hurt without the comfort addicts you can leave it as it is. As it is, I am tagging it hurt/comfort with this chapter being all hurt and the comfort to come if you want it. Love you guys

Disclaimer: I do not own Hawaii Five-O. I am not making any money off this fic. All rights go to whoever it is that does own Hawaii Five-O.

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><p>I was drunk. I knew I was drunk. Everything was swimming in front of my eyes, blurring from the alcohol and tears running down my cheeks. I heard myself give off a keening cry. The pain in my heart felt like I was dying. At this moment I knew I had never truly been heart broken. Right now, I knew my heart was breaking, shattering into a million little pieces on the floor.<p>

I crouched on the floor, my hands over my head protectively and rocked back and forth. The pain would not go away. It followed me everywhere. What had I done? I had let my guard down, let someone through and now look what had happened. I was huddling on the floor pathetically like a little child.

The thought energised me a little and I uncurled. Anger. Yes. I was an idiot. How could I have ever let someone get so close? I thought I had learned my lesson but apparently not. All good things must come to an end and if you let them get to you, parts of you would end with them. And sometimes it was all you could do not to bring someone else down with you.

I fumbled for the bottle on the floor beside me and frowned upon finding it was empty. A faint voice whispered in the back of my mind that alcohol was a depressant. Cruel irony really. You drink alcohol because you're depressed and it makes you more depressed. Huh. I let out a short laugh. Only until you passed out, then you felt nothing. Blissful oblivion, until the nightmares started or morning came, whichever was first.

I tried to pull myself to my feet, I was sure there was scotch or something like that in a cupboard in the kitchen. My feet seemed to move without bidding and I lurched forward into the wall. Hugging it, I made my way into the kitchen and pulled open the cupboard door. Yep, there it was. Conveniently placed at eye level. Perfect.

I slumped back down to the floor my back against the couch and took a swig. Not long now and I would be snoring with the fishes. Or possibly singing with angels. Either way, I didn't care. I just wanted it to end.

There was no-one to pull me back this time. I went to Rachael first before remembering that she had a new husband and that I would only bring her down with me. And if she went down…I couldn't do that to Gracie. Ever. So I pulled up my big boy undies and faked a sad half smile, said goodbye and drove to the liquor store.

I had told McGarrett that he had come by each night with beer after the divorce but he wasn't bringing beer because he thought I would need a drink. He brought beer because he knew I already had a drink and he needed to make sure that beer was all I had. Now he was gone. I drove him away. What had I done to make him trust me so little? I didn't know but I did know that when he walked away he walked away with a part of my heart that I would never get back.

The pain was swamping me down again and I took another drink. The world swam alarmingly, or what would have been alarmingly for a person not trying to drink till they pass out, before me. I knew the little signs. An almost hysterical laugh passed my throat. No-one to pull me back from the edge this time, only thing stopping me from jumping right off the ledge with my gun in hand was Grace. Same as when Rachael and I split. Even then I had Matt to help keep me away.

What was I going to do without him? Another swallow, then another, each one burning a trail down my throat before settling in my stomach. The edges of my vision greyed and I blinked. Almost there. Gripping the bottle tightly I lifted it up to my lips and chugged down some more. The burn made me cough this time and my eyes slid shut. Mindlessly reaching up I took another swallow, draining the last of the Scotch out of the bottle before it fell limply out of my hands. All was black now. Nothingness.

Finally the pain was, for the moment, gone. I was hanging from the edge by the tips of my fingers and I could feel myself slipping. Only thing was, I couldn't bring myself to care.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here it is. You guys clamoured for a second chapter and a second chapter you have. It kind of mutated a bit and is over double the length of the previous chapter though. Oops, lol. So without further adue, save the warning/disclaimery part below, on with the comfort. Love :)

Warning: This chapter contains references to suicide and has dark themes. Please don't read if it could be a trigger or something.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hawaii Five-O. I am not making any money off this fic. All rights go to whoever it is that does own Hawaii Five-O.

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><p>Steve was worried. He was very worried. Danny had left to go after his brother and hadn't called him since. Rachael had called maybe an hour later to say that Matt was gone; Danny had come to her and then told her he would be fine and left.<p>

"I'm worried about him Commander." Was what she had said.

He had, of course, told her that everything would be fine but he was worried now too. This wasn't like Danny. Danny always called if he knew Steve would be worried.

He had said after he and Rachael had split Matt had come by each night with beer but Steve had a feeling there was more to that. Maybe it was the slight shadow that passed over Danny's eyes when he spoke of it or maybe it was just Steve's imagination running over time. Either way he had a bad feeling that Danny might be drinking. And drinking far more than would be safe. If he was right in his assumption or even if he was wrong he knew Danny needed him. Needed someone to pull him back from the metaphorical edge that his brother had pushed him towards.

Making up his mind, Steve grabbed the keys off the kitchen counter and walked purposefully to his truck. The emotions Danny would be feeling made themselves known in the memory of the death of his mother and subsequent abandonment from his father. Betrayal. Disgust. Anger. Sadness. He would feel betrayed by his brother, and like he had betrayed himself at the same time. Betrayed his oath to serve and protect. Broken his own moral code of honour in letting a known and wanted criminal go free. Yes, Danny would definitely need someone tonight.

The drive over was quiet. Normally Steve relished the few moments of peace from his partners incessant ranting and rambling but right now all he wanted was to hear that again. To hear the unspoken reassurance that everything was alright not just 'fine'. Walking up to the front door of Danny's minuscule apartment he rapped sharply on the wood.

"Danny. Open up. It's Steve. Are you in there?" Steve knocked again then tried the door handle. Locked. Of course it was locked. Steve sighed pulled out his keys. He had finally convinced Danny to give him the key to his apartment a month or so ago. So far he hadn't had occasion to use it but just as well he had it. Although he wasn't bad at picking locks he much preferred to just break the door in.

The door creaked as he swung it open, a dim light emanating from the kitchen.

"Danny?"

The lack of a reply made Steve's heart speed up a little and he walked further into the room. Stepping round the couch he swore softly under his breath. Kneeling beside his partner he put his fingers to the pulse point in his neck and swore again. He stood and pulled his cell out of his pocket.

Later he would vaguely recall calling 911 and requesting an ambulance. Even vaguer would be the moment where the EMT's walked into the house and took over for him performing CPR on his best friend. Crystal clear however, was the image of Danny, paler than the paint on the walls, lying on the floor, surrounded by bottles of alcohol, unmoving. His best friend supine in the back of the ambulance, oxygen mask over his face as the EMT's stuck him with an IV trying to get some fluids in him.

There was another recollection of following the stretcher into the hospital then pacing in the waiting room after being stopped from going further. A doctor came out and told him that he could see him now and then it all came crashing down. Reality swooped in and stole away the breath of the always composed Commander at the sight of his second in command and partner lying in a hospital bed. The doctor left the room and Steve walked forward to collapse in the chair next to the bed. What had happened? Why was Danny currently lying in a hospital bed from alcohol poisoning? Why hadn't he called Steve? Steve was jerked out of the thoughts swirling through his head as the man lying beside him stirred and then groaned. Steve hit the call button and stood up.

"Danny?"

"Mph. Wha' hap'n'd?"

"You don't remember?"

"I remember Matt came to visit and then…" Danny trailed off shock and pain written all over his face as the memories rushed back.

Steve opened his mouth to speak but halted as the doctor walked into the room.

"Ah, you're awake. Good."

Danny shifted his focus to the doctor.

"When can I get out of here Doc.?"

"We'd like to keep you overnight for observation, but if you insist upon going home you should stay with someone."

"Home." Danny stated firmly.

The doctor smirked and then looked at Steve.

"I presume he will be staying with you?"

"He is."

Danny glanced at him in surprise then turned his gaze back to the window as the doctor walked out.

"I'm fine, Steve; I don't need a baby-sitter so if you can just drop me off home it would be much appreciated."

"You are not fine. You are by no means fine. And we are going to talk about it because you almost died tonight."

Danny went to reply but was interrupted by the doctor coming back with the necessary paperwork.

"Just fill these out and you'll be good to go. For the record I still think you should stay here overnight but I doubt I can convince you to that."

"No. You can't." Steve winced at the flat tone that once again made its appearance.

Half an hour later and Steve was walking back out to his truck with Danny leaning wearily on his shoulder. They were half-way to Steve's place before Danny spoke again.

"This isn't the way to my apartment."

"No."

"This is the way to your place."

"Yes."

"Why are we going to your place?" Danny sounded ticked.

"Doctor's orders."

"I don't need a baby-sitter McGarrett." Danny sounded quieter now, more serious. "Just leave me alone."

"Why would I do that?" Danny just sat silently. "Huh? Tell me Danny, why would I let my sick friend who has just signed himself out of the hospital AMA, go home alone." Steve's own anger was starting to come to the fore now. He pulled into the driveway of his beachside home and parked. "Inside."

Danny climbed out of the truck and walked slowly towards the door. Hospital or no, he was still drunk as a skunk. Steve walked behind him, his true concern showing through as he walked just behind his friend, ready to catch him if he should fall. Once inside Steve brewed a pot of coffee and poured a cup for his inebriated friend.

"Why, Danny? Why didn't you just call me?" Hurt flickered through Steve's tone as he asked the question again.

Danny stared into the steaming brown liquid like it held the secrets of the universe. A moment later he spoke up quietly.

"I couldn't pull you off."

"What?"

"I couldn't pull you off the ledge with me. I couldn't pull you down with me." He spoke up a little this time.

"So what, Danny? You just plunge off the edge all by yourself and we move on like nothing ever happened? Damn it Danny! If you had died…" Steve paused for a moment then continued, softly, "You would have brought me to my own ledge. I've been there once and I have no intention of going back. Ever think that maybe I could hold you back? Grab your hand and haul you back up into the land of the living? Ever think that maybe you wouldn't pull me over with you, but that your death would push me instead?"

Danny sat there for a moment silently before replying, his voice a soft as a butterfly's wing beats.

"I just couldn't take it, Steve. What did I do? Why did he betray me? Why didn't he come to me? Why couldn't he trust me? I let him go, Steve. I pointed my gun at him and he practically dared me to shoot him. I let him go. He's gone. He is a felon, a wanted criminal and I," Danny's voice broke and the rising tirade broke with it, "I let him go. He left. We were meant to be family. He was meant to be family. Family is supposed to mean something, Steve. Why couldn't he trust me? Why couldn't he just trust me?" A tear slid down his face from the corner of his eye, a shining trail of liquid making its way down his distressed face. Steve stared at the proud and strong man that he knew, broken before him. His heart shattered by the thoughtless actions of someone he should have been able to trust.

"It'll be okay, Danny. I know right now it seems like the pain will never end, like you are slowly being eaten away, like you are dissolving into a ghost. You feel like you're dying, and why not just match the feeling with the action, right? But, Danny, we need you. Grace, Kono, Chin. They all need you. You're our ohana, our family now Danny. Never forget that." Steve swallowed past the lump that appeared in his throat at the thought of his mother. He knew far too well how Danny felt right now. However, he had made it through and so would Danny. Because Danny had Chin. Danny had Kono and Grace. Danny had him. He had his ohana. "Never forget that."


End file.
